Questions

Sometimes (let's face it, it's quite often), I walk into a room or reach into my purse, or turn on my computer, and I can't remember why.  My mind goes a little blank, and I think
What am I doing?
This question haunts me.  Every time I take notes in a class that I have absolutely no interest in, I hear it like a whisper in an empty room.  When I find myself laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, too lazy to put on a pair of pants and face the world, it pops into my head.
      What am I doing?

Usually, I let the answer be that I am just doing what needs to be done.  That there will be a reason if I keep going.  These four years are not the end all be all like I thought they would be.  And that is good.  But they are important.  I will want to remember them for a long time.  Plus, there are all sorts of good things going on.

Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself what I decided.  I want to fill my life with love.  Am I doing that?  Most likely, no.  Most likely if I am  feeling so lost and negative, I am being the opposite of love, which is selfish.

I don't know what I'm doing, quite honestly.  But maybe that doesn't matter.